A calling, a tune, magick and wonder in the glimmer of the moon.

I took a little break from writing over the weekend.  It’s the middle of January and we reached a high of 62 yesterday.   So, (living in the Midwest)  I had to take the opportunity to get outside and get some fresh air.  It was nice.  More importantly though I used the weekend to step back and re-group, and give myself a little time to think about life, and my place in it.

I have had a wide variety of “jobs” and “careers” in my life, but I’ve never really felt that any of them were my calling.  They never quite made my soul sing, and I never really felt like they meant a whole lot in the grand scheme of things.  I went from un-fulfilling job to un-fulfilling job, chasing after a feeling and finding myself becoming disillusioned when that feeling never amounted to more than a faint tune that quickly faded away.

I realize now that I was looking in the wrong place for that magical tune, focusing outside of myself for far too long, when I began to turn my ear inward, the pieces of the melody started to come together to form a full symphony of what I want to be.

There’s an old cliché phrase, “To change the world you have to change yourself”, and another,”Before you can love anyone else you must first love yourself”.  On the former, I don’t think it’s so much of a change as it is becoming what you were meant to be, what you always were, but too blind to see.

On the latter, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, but it means accepting who you are so you can give yourself to the world in the best way possible.   I find myself looking back to the things that always drew my fascination as a child, the things that filled me with inspiration and wonder, finally realizing that’s the path I want to take.

When I was a kid I had this funny habit of going off into the woods by myself, I would pretend I was an old wise woman, brewing potions and living in tandem with nature around me.  I would pretend I was collecting and drying herbs, and that I lived by myself in this little hut I found that some of the neighbor kids made and abandoned.  I would sit in the forest hoping to spot an elf or a faerie, while enjoying the vivid green colors and the song of the birds.

I loved it out there.  I missed my own birthday party once, because I was so entranced with that little forest I used to hide in.  I remember my mom being a bit livid with me for that.  A neighbor lady yelled at me once because she spotted the smoke from my “hearth fire”, a child under ten shouldn’t be playing with those things!  Perhaps.

My childhood was filled with strange things, I remember dancing in swarm of huge dragonflies one year, catching them in a net with my brothers, looking at how pretty they were before letting them go again.  There was so many of them it was like a thick cloud.  I wasn’t scared, I thought it was awesome.  I remember vaguely a camping trip we went on when I was around 5 or 6.  There was a mud-wasp nest on the riverbank that I was kind of fascinated with.   I started investigating it with a stick.  Maybe not the brightest thing to do. 😀

A huge swarm of wasps came out of the nest and chased me.   My mom saw this cloud of wasps enveloping me and ran to my rescue, grabbing me under her arm and running to the safety of the RV.   I didn’t get a single sting.  Lucky me, thanks mom!   Looking back I find it kind of amazing that I emerged from that encounter without so much as a bite or a sting.  I suppose I should thank those wasps as well!

Another year there was an enormous amount of garter snakes living near our house.  I liked to catch them and pretend they were my pets.  I thought they were very pretty.  I remember my horror when the neighborhood bullies started to collect these snakes and crush them in empty soda cans to upset me.  I cried for hours that they could do something so cruel and merciless.

I remember being very good at rescuing animals as a child, they would just sort of come to me.   There’s a picture somewhere at my mom’s house with me holding a duckling in my hand that I had rescued from a sewer drain.  I got it to come to me by quacking at it.  Somehow it worked.

I remember once hearing a faint mewing noise from that very same sewer drain, my mom watched as I laid down on the ground behind it and started calling the kittens (mewing) they came to me and I fished them out of the drain, just like the ducks.

Somewhere along the way I forgot about that connection I had with the natural world around me.  Childhood bullies and fear started to cloud my perceptions of everything I would see.  I was afraid of everything, people, nature, you name it.  The news and the constant bombardment of all these horrible things had me too terrified to  enjoy life.

The threat of Lyme’s disease prevented me from laying in the prairie by our house, I no longer enjoyed the breeze or watched the clouds.  The threat of rabies prevented me from approaching the animals I might see.  The threat of ridicule prevented me from talking to new people.  I forgot all about the beauty that surrounded me, all I could see were threats, all I could express was fear.

I still loved the idea of nature and magic and such, but instead of immersing myself in the magic right outside my back door, I dived into the world of books, almost becoming trapped there in the process.  Forgetting the magic of the world around me, all I could see were gray buildings and parking lots, and materialism.  I had this sad feeling like the magic I read about in those fantasy worlds was dead and gone.  I forgot about the magic I experienced as a child, writing it off as coincidence and nothing too special.

My aunt Cathy introduced me to magic again when I was around 12 or 13.  I went with her to meet a friend of hers who was a wiccan priestess who agreed to teach me the “old ways”.  My parents found out and were quite livid!  That stopped my “formal training”, but it sparked inside of me a feeling of hope that there was something more out there.

From then on I was still afraid, but I had a little re-kindling of that hope and magic I felt as a child, and I took it upon myself to further my knowledge on the subject reading book after book, and then moving on to internet sources and such, that love of knowledge and learning stayed with me to this very day, and I noticed an interesting pattern.  Many things I was disinterested in at the beginning of my journey like science and chemistry and such now prove magic for me even more.    They say magic is a form of science we just don’t understand.  I think so.

However, I still had it in my head that I had to be part of the “real world”, get a real job, etc, etc.  So like I said before, I bounced from job to job, career to career, always with this feeling that there was something missing.   Fast forward to now.  The last few years have me questioning that philosophy.    For example, being a tattoo artist can blow open your perceptions in many ways.

The things I’ve learned have shown me that I can do whatever the hell I want. 😀   I’ve decided that the so-called “real world” is in desperate need of magic and wonder, and love, and it’s my calling to help bring it back, or more appropriately, to help others see it.

I want to help restore our connection with the earth, each other, and a sense of wonder.  Magic never left, we’ve just been ignoring it, it’s been hiding in plain sight right under our noses.  It’s the middle of January and I’ve never been more excited for spring to come.  There are a lot of things I have in the works for this year, seeds to plant.  🙂

I found something too awesome not to share.

And I’m super freaking excited about it oh my goodness! So I’ve been big on the idea of sustainability lately and literally and figuratively “hungry” for more knowledge on the subject. Call it manifestation in action, or whatever you want but I got my wish and discovered an awesome resource for diving deeper into the waters of sustainable living and giving a fuck. 😀

Just a simple post on facebook that I happened to click on lead me here, where I’m now starting free courses on permaculture, which according to the course introduction I watched a little while ago, is the “desire for improvement on how we do things. A creative artful way of living where people and nature are all preserved and enhanced…”

The courses are delivered in lecture format and cover multiple areas, the lectures are divided into:

  • Fundamentals
  • Design and patterns
  • Plants, Climates and soils
  • Water and Aquaculture
  • Urban Permaculture
  • Social Permaculture
  • Experiential site visits
  • and student presentations.

This is so up my alley. The first video I watched is an introductory lecture given by Larry Korn. He talks about many different things relative to permaculture, his experiences and what he’s learned about it, it’s interesting to listen to, he teaches in a “stream of consciousness” kind of story telling fashion. I’m looking forward to watching more videos and learning as much as I can about a subject I find equally fascinating and important.  Moreover, I’m looking forward to implementing what I learn in my life and practices.



Strange Dream….

My dream started out with me and my parents in a smallish apartment on one of the upper floors. I was busy re-arranging furniture, there were 4 fake trees. I decided to smoke some pot and offered it to mom and dad and they accepted. (Which is weird, because they don’t smoke in normal life)  We were passing around the bowl when the apartment suddenly morphed into a farm-house. We were just finished smoking the bowl when President Obama showed up. In the dream it was understood that this was sort of common thing, almost like he would come hang out with us when he wanted to get away from the political stuff. He saw a bong and our pipe sitting there and said not to worry about it.

Obama stayed and hung out for a while, gave me a picture of him and his wife, then more people just sort of appeared at the house, most of them I didn’t know but the guy with shorter hair from the show Supernatural was there. We were all there talking and hanging out when I looked out the window and saw a limo screeching by squealing it’s tires. I told Obama his ride must be here and he said he didn’t take a limo because it was too conspicuous. After that he was gone.

We went outside and the song from the Gorillaz “last living souls” started playing until the dream ended. Once we were outside, there was this weird white stuff on the ground that looked like spider webs, only it was acidic and would destroy any living thing it touched. In the barn there was a pen with a bunch of turkeys and farm animals that had been touched by the falling stuff. They were dying in agony. After I looked at them I look to the South and see heavy machinery guzzling out smoke.

The smoke appeared to be transforming itself into weird visions. First a long trail of strange creatures not from here. They looked sort of anthropomorphic and mildly horrifying in a cartoonish sort of way. Next the scene morphed into people trying to build something…a green world almost. Then the scene morphed into the words “Help Me” I woke up after seeing the words “Help Me.”

Strange.  Too early to try to interpret all of this…I’ll edit the post later maybe and add my interpretation.


Not sure how to interpret the pot thing.  Could be a subconscious longing for it to be accepted, or perhaps a guilt that I smoke it.  It could also be a prophetic thing, that soon it will be legalized.  Maybe it will be legalized while Obama is still in office?  We’ve already seen strides in that direction with states moving to legalize…

Speaking of prophecies, I wonder if some serious stuff is going to go down after Obama leaves office? In the dream, after Obama left, that’s when stuff started getting weird, that’s when the song started playing. (Last living souls) I think the song is a pretty big message that we could be if we don’t change our act.   The stuff coming from the sky reminds me of a weird cross between chem-trails and acid rain.  I would say that it’s at least a sign that we are harming the planet and the creatures who share it with us.

The creatures in the smoke could be a couple of things, it could be referencing genetic manipulation, GMOs and that sort of thing, or it could be some sort of ET disclosure thing.  The people in the smoke building a green world and the message “help me”, signifies people rising up to do something about the damage we have collectively caused to this planet.  I think on one hand it’s a cry for help from the very planet itself, and on the other hand it’s a cry for help from the people working to change things for the better, to find any lasting success it needs to be a massive movement.

I think these things were appearing in the “smoke and smog” (pollution) because that’s what created them, or the need for them.

That’s my take on it for now.

I’m gonna pretend the world ended in 2012, and rebuild.

You don’t need to have society reduced to rubble and ashes to start over.  We can start over at any moment we choose.  Nothing is true except the present, and the seasons.  I’m learning to flow better with the seasons, and live more in tune with the natural world around me.  You could say I’m becoming something of a Druid, learning to understand nature and everything she has to teach me.     Since we are in the season of reflection, I have been thinking a lot.  I have been looking at what I want to do in the world, and how to go about doing it.

After learning a lot through youtube and different facebook groups and pages all across the internet, I’m seeing a lot of those possibilities more clearly.  One thing I have learned is that to understand what you want,  first understand what you don’t want.  Well that part’s easy.  Just look at the world around us.  It’s easy to get overwhelmed at first by the sheer weight of all the “problems” the world has.  I put quotations on “problems”, because I think it’s actually just one problem, though it has many facets.

Let me explain, the biggest problem we face today, is ourselves.  More specifically, we don’t believe in ourselves.  We don’t believe we have the power to change things.  Well, I believe we do.  And I’m seeing it happen already!!!!   I want to be a part of that change, I want to help nurture and grow this idea that we can all make a difference.  The best way to do that is to start with myself I suppose, and share it with you so you might feel inspired to do the same. What are things I can do to change the world, right now?  Let’s explore some of these “problems”, and find the solutions that are already within our power.

One big issue we face today is directly tied to our food.  We are no longer eating things found in nature,  companies like Monsanto are creating franken-food, which has been banned in multiple countries because it has been shown to have very negative effects on our health and the health of the world.  Corporate farming is displacing animal habitats, it is poisoning the planet, and throwing off the delicate balance upon which everything depends.    The food we are eating is making us sick, and so we go to the doctor, and are given a pill which makes us even more sick, and broke.

We have been so disconnected from what we eat it’s insane, and because food is a vital necessary part to life, the fact we don’t have control of it is a very bad thing.  If the dollar were to collapse tomorrow, and suddenly your money was useless, what would people find valuable?  Gold?  Can you eat gold?  Nope, can’t eat gold.  Your best bet is food.  People will always have a vested interest in food.  Food is freedom.  The food they sell us now is shit, utter total garbage. The seeds from this kind of food are useless, they won’t sprout after the first season.  This crap is covered with chemicals that people can’t inhale and we’re eating it.  Go figure.

Let’s rip up 100 acres of nature so we can plant rows and rows and rows of genetically modified corn, then we’ll spray it with poison, and wonder why we’re all getting sick and all the animals are dying.  Never mind all of the useful things growing in that forest.  Never mind all the animals living in that forest.  The blatant dis-respect we show is astounding.  I think maybe nature has a better idea of how to do things.    What’s even funnier is the large amount of useful wild plants labeled as weeds.  Well they have roundup to take care of those.  Our agricultural system is all messed up.  If I were to walk around outside I could find in five minutes dandelion, cat-tails, plantain, wild-raspberries, burdock, nettles, and clover, just to name a few.  They all are either edible, or have medicinal qualities, or both.  And these are just a FEW of the things that we blindly, arrogantly consider weeds.

So we have this misguided notion of the natural world and what’s useful.  Someone please tell me why lawns are considered normal?  There is an awesome page on facebook called grow food, not lawns.  I suggest you check it out and see all the awesome alternatives to mowing your lawn.   Find ways to work with nature, not against it.

The whole thing is set up as one gigantic system with many arms designed to keep you in bondage.   You can’t see the chains, they are made out of fear and apathy.    They use everything in their power to keep us under control.  From fluoridating our water and killing our desire to fight for something better, to poisoning our food and making us sick, to polarizing us and keeping us fighting amongst ourselves, to downright denying our constitutional rights when people start to protest this system.  They are working very hard to make sure we don’t wake up.  Why is that?

Is it perhaps because they don’t have that much power when we wake up to our own potential.  Get angry.  You need to get angry.  You need to get angry because anger is better than apathy.   Make sure your anger is useful.  Use it as inspiration to get out there and do something about it, instead of falling into the trap of impotent rage.   I will be adding a lot of information and links in the future so you can see for yourself how badly we’re getting fucked, er I mean so you can educate yourself on what’s happening and why it needs to stop.

Still, you would think with all that oil, they could at least use some lube eh?  Pricks.  I kid, I kid, but no not really.    On the bright side, the right side, I will also be adding tons of material on how to stop the rape of our planet and it’s people.

There are options out there which will free you, me, and the planet from the poison tentacles of the corporate machine.  From simple things we can start doing right away, to things which might require more planning, teamwork and investment.

Growing your own food and herbs can save you money in the grocery store, grow enough food and you can start selling or trading it with others, get a bunch of family, friends and neighbors together and you can share your bounty and help each other.  Grow your community by growing food. If you live in an urban area, don’t get discouraged, there are lots of creative alternatives to a traditional garden that also account for space restrictions.   You can also look into joining a community garden.  I would also suggest starting community gardens.  This is something I want to start, and I’m really excited about it.  We have the resources, it’s go time!

If you don’t have a garden and can’t grow one, get your food organic from local sources.   It can be a little more expensive then the pseudo fruit at pick-a-slave, but it’ll save you thousands of dollars in medical bills down the road, and it will keep money in the local economy.  Money that will help friends and neighbors who are also struggling to get by.  Who needs the money more?  The 80 year old guy at the farmer’s market every Sunday, busting his ass to grow some peppers, or the corporate parasites who claim they own the world and have everything money can buy and then some?

It’s funny, while we are forced to live in an ugly grey “habitat” they created by destroying the real world, they get to enjoy the last bits of paradise left.  Why do we live in a grey world?  Because they tell us to?   Why do they tell us to?  Perhaps because color and beauty and curves and texture  are exciting, and calming, and inspiring all at the same time.    They don’t want you to feel those emotions, they want you to feel hopeless and apathetic.  They want you to feel like your sanctuary and peace comes from living in that stupid fucking box, surrounded by trinkets from walmart.  Just sit down in front of the TV, watch your “programs” (read: programming) and everything will be fine.  I refuse to buy into that bullshit system any longer.  Not when there’s something I can do about it.

I have access to greenhouses, land, and the tools I need to start making this a reality for me and the people close to me.  I’m planting my garden this year, I’m sharing the fruits of my labors with anyone who needs it.  I’m going to help people get set up to do the same.  I’m going to preserve that food when it comes time to harvest it, and share it with anyone who needs it.  I’m going to make the world around me more beautiful, more natural, more wild.

I’m going to find out the best ways to become self-sufficient and live in harmony with nature, and help others to do the same.  I’m going to plant flowers in unlikely places.   I’m going glorify trees.   I’m going to get my hands dirty and my armpits fucking sweaty, and fuck it, I might not shave em either.  Call me a dirty hippy and see if I care.  I’m going to shout out far and wide to anyone who will listen to me that this doesn’t have to be the world we live in.

Most importantly, I’m going to share my Journey with you, and invite you to join me.  We might start out small, even the mighty oak has to start out as an acorn.  The thing about the acorn is this, it knows it has the power to grow.  We should follow it’s example and wake up to our own strength and potential.

Opening up to the Magic

So, when I was a kid, I used to get terribly depressed.  I would see the big buildings and concrete, and highways, and gas guzzling monstrous vehicles, and all of these other dangerously gray aspects of society savagely devouring the green sacred spaces of the earth.  I felt like I had been born in the wrong time, that there was something horribly wrong with the world I was living in.  I had a deep feeling like there used to be a great magic here, the wild places and the ancient places were our connection to it.  Seeing these sacred places slowly being destroyed by a society which considered itself superior really bothered me.  Every time I would pass a housing development or a construction project I would feel slightly sick.  It all felt so alien and disconnected, unbalanced.    I felt sad that I couldn’t have been a part of the age of dragons and elves and dryads and magic, of towering ancient forests  and mythical landscapes.  I was told that these green places were just trees and rocks and didn’t mean anything.  I didn’t believe it then and I still don’t now.

The difference between what I believed then vs. now is this.  I now believe I have the power to change that system.  I believe we all do.   I believe we’ve been fed a bunch of bullshit and have been indoctrinated into a system set up on lies, deceit, and fear.   A system designed to disconnect us from our infinite nature and the world of magic.  A system designed to keep us from each other.

I was told that there never was this world of magic, that earth has always been a grey and mundane place!  I was told that all that existed was the material!   I, like you,  are blessed with a burning knowing deep inside, that there is something more.  We might not know exactly what it is, but that feeling drives the curiosity to inspire us to look and try and find out where and what “it” is.

My curiosity lead me to at first to a world of fantasy books many of which I still love today.   They were a much needed escape from the so-called reality imposed cruelly imposed on our world.  These books were also an invaluable aid in the search for anything that could confirm the existence of this “something more”, as fleeting and delicate as it appeared at times.   Though they were from the “fantasy” category, I knew some how, they contained within them something important, even if it was just a feeling of a fleeting memory.

I wanted to understand that feeling more and so I started to do more active research on different subjects.  To me, the harsh angular world of logic and science seemed to be too wrapped up in the very system that was destroying the magic around us.  Because of this resistance to left brain attitudes and ideas, my search started out with new age books and books on spirituality and magic.  I studied philosophies from different cultures, I studied different myths, and hunted for anything I could find that might explain what magic was, and how to  bring it back.

While I found magic and many of the rituals and magical artifacts interesting, for many years I was more interested in learning how to directly experience magic without the use of tools.  This lead me to psionics, and topics such as remote viewing, and then to quantum physics and sacred geometry.  I had come full circle back to the science I first shunned!

With YouTube I was able to discover the works of many people who were beautifully combining science and spirituality.  Man was suddenly a creator in this universe.  We were a part of everything in existence, we share a connection with infinity.   The world of magic is still strong, Elves are freaking real, angels are all over the place, you can live in tree houses and hobbit homes, you can have free energy, we can create a paradise on earth, we are a part of everything how fucking mind blowing, and awesome, and groovy is that!?

Since I first started this journey, I have seen very clearly this world of magic.    I’ve learned more about how to create this world of magic around us, and a lot of it has to do with how we think.    How can you possibly expect to live in a world of fairies and magic, when you’re surrounded by white walls and punch-clocks and creative sterility.  I want to help bring that world of magic, love, and creativity to everyone else.  I believe we have the power to create a magical world around us we have the power to live fully in tune with nature and experience every aspect of it.  I believe we have enough resources in this world for everyone, I believe we have enough magic for everyone, I would like to help make this the reality we all share.